3 Reasons Why You Aren't Going to Change and the Necessary Tool for Doing it Anyway
How is it going? Working on that big thang? Big old passion project, yeah? Do you find that despite your desire to see big changes in your life, you are not making any progress?
I’ve got a tip for you, you aren’t going to create the lasting change you want unless you address these three concerns first:
1- IT’S EASIER TO STAY STUCK.
When you are in a rut, or feeling overwhelmed, depressed, “too busy”, or any flavor of default mode, it is easier to stay there than to get out of it. And truly, the longer you’ve been stuck, the more challenging it will be to unstuck yourself. It’s like you eventually forget you were stuck and accepted that this is just your life now.
It’s understandable, and at one point or another, we have all been there.
Unstucking yourself requires energy, like turbo blaster energy. Rocket ship energy. A core energy coach such as myself would say you would want to have more building and creative anabolic energy. It‘s the kind of energy that you have when you are the most motivated, you feel “in the flow” and things have a way of just working out for you. It's hard to even imagine this kind of energy when you can barely manage get through the day.
Changing our lives is usually at least a little uncomfortable. It takes work. And we are easily discouraged if, in the very beginning stages of making a change, we haven’t met our goal by like, the third day. When you don’t see a payoff immediately, it’s way flipping easier to go back to what you’ve been doing.
It’s easier to procrastinate.
It’s easier to feel like it’s too hard.
It’s easier to give up, walk to the freezer, get the cookie dough swirl, sit your ass on the couch and “accept” that this is just how life is.
You won’t change unless you have the energy and, dare I say, the support, to handle the discomfort. But guess what, we all have access to the turbo blaster energy. Yes, even you, cookie dough swirl. It is inside of all of us. You might not feel it at the moment, but it is there, waiting for you to light the spark. The trick is knowing where to look.
(Spoiler- it’s connecting to your WHY. Your really real for real WHY. )
2- YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS
Let’s try something right now.
What’s a dream or a goal that you have? Something that you really want?
(If you answered “I don’t know”, skip ahead to 3.)
Do you have your answer?
Now tell me, what is blocking you from achieving this goal?
Your answer may be something like: “I'm too______ to do ______.” Fill in the blanks, you can also replace “I’m” with “it’s” or “they aren’t”, “my mom isn’t”,” God won’t be”, whatever really!
You are likely being stymied by a limiting belief.
A limiting belief is just what it sounds like: a belief that limits you. Limiting beliefs are judgements based on how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Many times we inherit them from our family, friends and the culture we grow up in. Like my belief that I don’t have enough money to drive a Tesla. Or this popular American belief: I’m not worthy of taking the time to REST in my life.
Some sound like this:
I’m too old to change jobs.
I am too lazy to eat healthy food.
My kids are too needy for me to take time for myself.
People will think I’m crazy if I try hip hop dance.
I have to work 80 hours a week or it will all fall apart.
I’m not worthy of a loving trusting relationship.
It’s too hard to publish a book.
People with chronic illness or different abilities can’t contribute to society.
I’m too dumb to charge full price.
Men don’t have feelings.
There is no market for my new idea.
I am too busy to exercise.
I don’t belong in a Tesla showroom.
People are too judgemental, I can’t show my artwork.
Women should look good and be quiet.
I’m too young to start a company.
It's silly for me to visit Japan for just three days.
Ask yourself this, how true is your limiting belief, REALLY? Is there really no one else who tried hip hop dance for the first time in their 50s? Can you choose something besides lazy when you really want something? Is there no one who manages an illness and made ginormous contributions to the world?
Remember, the longer you’ve had these beliefs, the more challenging it will be to really question and replace it with a belief that supports your change.
Certainly not all beliefs are limiting! Many of them are working for us. However, you won’t change unless you examine the beliefs that are holding you back and change them to beliefs that will support you. No diet will work for you if you believe you aren’t worth feeling healthy in your body.
Our limiting beliefs are our excuses, my amigos. And you can change them.
“I don’t know”
This, dear friends, was where I was. I spent years of my life in a state of indecision. I was content going with the flow and I felt happy. Surely it isn’t an unpleasant way to live, yet I knew that I had more in me that was just waiting to come out. I knew then that I have a totally dope gift to share with the world. That I can live a bigger and bad-assier life than I had, but to fully express it and give myself permission to step into it, well that was not even a possibility.
I was afraid. I was afraid of playing big. Afraid that I would piss someone off.
My first professional coach asked me this question:
“What has to change for you to have permission to dream?”
Just hearing the question changed everything.
Make no mistake, you will stay stuck until you give yourself this permission. You cannot change without the green light.
Some serious resistance came up for me and it took many months for me to process the shame and guilt around my blocks. I’ll spare you the gore, but I’ll say this,
This isn’t easy.
But then, it is.
YOUR PERMISSION SLIP
I bring to coaching the gift of seeing the MAGIC in every person. I see beyond the story and past the stuck to find incredible people capable of extraordinary things. My dream now is to show as many people as possible how incredibly lucky they are to be themselves.
And it begins with permission.
This is your permission slip to step up, unstuck yourself, piss off some people and to express your own magic to yourself and to the world. No its not perfect, doesn't have to be. This tool, when used properly, has the power to blow the lid off this mother.
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